It's All In The Mind (RP Log)
- Holosuite 1 [Deep Space 9]
- A simple, mathematical grid of holoemitters lines the walls.
Sitting on the brow of a grassy hill Kailyn is sounded by the satin pool of her wedding dress as she sits cross legged in the lush green pastures that sway gently in the warm summer breeze. She doesn't know which would she was sat on and it didn't really bother her as she let her eyes follow the natural curve into a valley, moving toward her was Ben with a young blonde haired girl (no older than ten) squealing and laughing in his arms. Her legs kicked out as she thrashed in his grip, both laughing and talking, "Mum, mum. Help me." The girl shouts but Kailyn remains still.
Ben drops the girl and let her fall feet first into the grass as she runs toward Kailyn who stares blankly ahead. Panting the girl falls at her feet, "What's wrong Mum?" She asks followed quickly by another question, "Where did you get this dress from?" The young girl's fingers run over the ivory satin that runs over Kailyn's legs, Ben makes his way up slightly behind and plonks himself beside her.
"It's her wedding dress," He explains, "From when we got married, a long time ago. Before you were born." A tear forms in Kailyn's eye and it rolls down her face as she pulls the girl toward her, into her lap.
Kailyn kisses to top of her head, breathing in the smell of dry grass that hangs in her hair. "Nothing's wrong baby." She answers quietly as the girl cuddles into her. "Nothing's wrong at all." Her words to reassure a holographic representation of her daughter fail to work, she is indeed similar to her mother in that way.
Senka arrives from Holosuite Corridor.
"I don't sense that, you look sad. What's wrong Mummy?" The girl asks again. Kailyn sighs and moves a hand to wipe her face.
Sitting on the brow of a grassy hill Kailyn is sounded by the satin pool of her wedding dress as she sits cross legged in the lush green pastures that sway gently in the warm summer breeze. Sat in her lap is a blonde haired girl no older than ten and beside her sits Ben in a partially unbuttoned shirt that's tucked into a pair of stone coloured pants.
The door opens, and Senka enters. Stopping dead in the middle of the program, he takes it in and sees you. "Kailyn," he murmurs. "My apologies. I was not attending to the occupancy indicator on the door as the holosuites are seldom used by station personnel. Forgive the interruption." He turns towards the arch and the exit.
"Computer, remove characters Benedict Talbot and Darril Talbot." Kailyn states clearly as she wipes her face again and shakes her head, "You're fine, I was just leaving anyway."
Ben and the young girl disappear after the computer emits an affirmative tone.
Senka watches as the child character and the Talbot hologram disappear. Senka glances about the now empty nature scene and back to you. "Have you had this program long," he asks quietly?
Pryus-Talbot stands from her nestled position in the grass and turns toward him, her hands instinctively smooth out the fabric against her stomach. "Since you gave me the DNA profile." She answers pinching her lips and swallowing softly.
Senka says, "Are you using it as a mechanism to deal with your grief?"
Pryus-Talbot opens her mouth to speak and another tear rolls down her cheek, "Right now I'm using it as an escape." She says honestly, "I don't know where else to go."
Senka folds his hands behind his back and considers you. "I do not know whether your approach has validated theraputic value. Therefore, I must ask to what extent you think it a help. Or is it a form of ... nostalgia?"
Pryus-Talbot gazes back down the side of the hill, "I wanted someone to tell me it was going to be okay ..." She answers weakly.
His hands folded behind his back, Senka considers this, his expression reserved. Finally, he draws in a breath to speak. "Perhaps there is another avenue that may prove of value to you. It is, of course, entirely optional."
Pryus-Talbot slowly she turns back to the Vulcan, "What is the other avenue?"
Senka considers you. "Tell me, what do you know of Vulcan psychiatric methods or mental disciplines?"
Pryus-Talbot looks at Senka blankly, right now all she could think of was preparing herself for the worst. "Logic rules over emotion."
Senka shakes his head gently. "That is more or less true, but not what I mean in this case." He speaks calmly and quietly. A beat. "Have you heard of the mind meld?"
Pryus-Talbot her fingers run through her messy blonde hair untied and loose around her shoulders, "In passing, it's a telepathic link through physical contact. How will that help me?" She asks slightly lost.
"It may or may not help you," he says honestly. "Nothing is guaranteed, of course. But I may be able to help you sort your emotions and thoughts, adding perspective that will aid you in regaining your mental and emotional equilibrium. As a telepath in your own right, it occurs to me this technique may help you more than it would help a Bajoran or a Human, for example."
Pryus-Talbot nods gently, it wasn't something she had tried or thought of before. Her mind had been so rampant with fear and anger. "Is this something you really want to do with me?" She asks sceptically.
Senka looks at you, his expression reserved. He says, "You are a valued colleague who has suffered several recent and substantive traumatic experiences. I believe I can help you."
Pryus-Talbot's eyes close as those words are said, traumatic experiences. "If you will cause no injury to yourself," She begins. "And you are aware of what I have been through."
Senka nods, crossing to you. "If you are prepared, then," It's a last chance for you to say no if you wish, and you can at least sense this much.
Pryus-Talbot nods as she settles back into the grass.
Crouching before you, Senka takes a moment to settle his body and mind. Extending his left hand, he settles it over the side of your face. You may notice that his hand is warm, because his body temperature is several degrees warmer than yours. "Your mind to my mind," he murmurs, and you sense the opening of a mental links between you. "My thoughts to your thoughts." And full mental contact is established. You sense a focused, disciplined mind, complex layers of discipline and telepathic barriers. His mind appears to have levels of geometric complexity and symmetry to it.
The warmth of his hand touching her face makes her relax, there was no threat of desire only light relief. Kailyn's mind is a warren of darkness and chaos, dimmed slightly by the calm of Senka. She is tired of being alone, people saying they are sorry and being overly polite. Her chest labours softly as she tries to find her own calm.
You sense at this surface level of Senka's mind that he has no ulterior motives, no intention of seducing you. First, you feel Senka projecting comfort into your mind. He believes you are going to be ok, and that belief enables him to transmit this emotion to your mind. Then, an image: you see the operations center of Deep Space9. Senka is wearing civilian clothes. You see a man with his back to Senka. The man turns. "Can I help you? You're not supposed to be up here, are you? Authorized personnel only." It's Talbot. Talbot wears lieutenant junior grade's insignia. "I am now a member of Starfleet," Senka replies politely. "I was uncertain where to obtain a uniform." "Ah," Talbot seems to understand. Shift of focus: the officers' wardroom. Talbot replicates him a uniform, and for good measure a tricorder. This is his first memory of Talbot and one of his first experiences as a newly commissioned junior lieutenant.
Pryus-Talbot feels her heart sink, another lump forms in her throat. Senka's reassurances help her slightly but another tear forms and rolls over her skin. Her own first memories of Ben are in the Academy library, she was studying but can't remember way. Young and clean shaven, handsome with a good head of blond hair. "If you stare much harder at that thing you might just get laser vision." He scoffs as she lowers the PADD and stops reading, he had no idea if he was serious or not but it made her smile. She didn't know he was interested in her until long after that. Kailyn sniffs quietly and allows Senka to continue.
Senka's mind fast forwards, and you get a series of brief flash images: Talbot at the tactical station on the bridge of the Enterprise. Talbot following the Astor rescue mission being checked out by Senka, and Talbot reporting for his intake physical on the station. Senka never knew him very well, and sharing these memories isn't his end goal, but it's a starting point. He saw Talbot from a distance, a capable officer and analytics, at least by human standards.
Pryus-Talbot sits quietly, she knew Ben wasn't a bad person but he wasn't the most easy to work with at times. He butted heads with so many people they others were wary of talking to her, Karalos in particular it seems. She relaxes slightly at his presentation of him, the flow of tears begins to slow.
Senka's mind fast forwards again. You feel him actually strengthening your mind for what is to come. Image: Senka summoned to the surgical suite and finding Talbot there, already dead. From Senka's mind, you know with absolute certainty that Senka could not have done anything, not one thing, more than he did. It was already too late. You feel Senka's puzzlement. If his feelings at that time could have expression, they would come out as, "how, and why the hell did this happen?"
The woman doesn't seem to flicker at this moment, she knew there was nothing that could have been done and he was dead from the moment he materialised. The empty shell of a man who was laid on the biobed was not her husband that was the way she had been managing to cope. Kailyn's husband had disappeared long before they had been transferred to the station. She didn't understand either and that was why she wanted to wait for the inquiry to be over before she returned to active duty, but the waiting was worse than keeping her occupied.
You see Senka sitting with the Inspector General. She asks him if he has any further questions to add. He does. He asks her whether she thought Cross had other options. Could the device have been neutralized in transport? Could Talbot and the explosive have been held in the pattern buffer until they neutralized it? Were there, in short, other options? You've asked the question too, but you didn't know that Senka has as well.
Why? Seems to be the resounding question, why did it all get to that point? She wasn't the most scientific mind but she was intelligent, Kailyn seemed to forget about other options in favour of trying to ease the pain of another. Adam R. Cross. Kailyn's mind take her back to being sat in the dark enveloped in her pain and guilt, the door to her quarters chimes and she feels sick. It's Adam, she watches him with eyes like daggers ignoring his questions. "Who gave the order?" She asks plainly as he confesses to his actions, she is curled into a ball as much as her pregnant belly will allow her. Quiet weeping erupts from the woman, as her breathing staggers a swell of emotion builds within her. She physically doesn't have the energy to move. A noise that can only be described as a groan of pain escapes her lips as her palms push against her eyes. She wipes her eyes on the edge of her blanket, trying to control her breathing. "Niian said everything was classified, that he fired on officers. Why would he do that?" Kailyn's voice steadies slightly as she tried to rationalise the actions of her husband that would result in his being beamed out into space. It was that which confused her most, why would you beam someone into space? Surely there were more suitable places he could have been contained that wouldn't have resulted in his death.
Senka is with you in your quarters. He has opened his mind to you and not only observes your emotions, but feels them himself. He sees Cross, not as a third party watching the two of you, but through your very eyes. He continues observing, or being, quietly with you as you replay events.
Kailyn moves forward in her mind, underneath the understanding is a deep seeded anger toward Adam - something she had never felt before. Her head shakes gently, "This makes no sense. He had a bomb?" Kailyn repeats back trying to understand, "That doesn't sound like him at all." Her head falls against the back of the chair and she stares at the ceiling her hands running over her face. "Is that why you beamed him out into space?" She doesn't seem to compute on the impact of her words. Cross nods a bit, "He was going to detonate it. I couldn't put the lives of the people on the station at risk." Kailyn repeats her words again, "So you beamed him into space? You killed him without any further information or stunning him to detainment or anything else? You just beamed him into space?" Cross says, "We couldn't risk hitting the explosive pack. I am so sorry, Doctor. If there was something else I could have done, I would have..." Her eyes fall on Cross, filling with tears again. Kailyn's stomach churned but she tries to fight the qwell. For some reason she believes him because she has no choice, why would he lie to her? She realises this now, how could she have trusted him when he was only out to protect himself.
Senka feels your anger with you. He continues watching through your eyes. You sense he wants to know how you came from this point to the counseling. You sense no impatience.
Pryus-Talbot's lips let a soft sigh escape as she moves forward again this time to speaking to Adam in his office after requesting to return to the academy. "I get the feeling that you want to put as much distance as possible between you and the station," Cross says tensely as he also sits back in his seat. "There are people here who care about you, Kailyn." She closes her eyes and pauses, "Can you blame me?" She asks honestly as she looks Cross over. Cross shakes his head. No, he couldn't blame her, but he also didn't want her to go. It seemed like the easy way out. It seemed like she was running from her issues and Adam Cross knew about running from issues. "It won't help," he says quietly. She sighs softly, "I don't know what to do, and the infirmary is where I have lost my family." She takes a moment to collect herself running her fingers over her brow, if she wanted to run so badly she would have jumped on a shuttle and disappeared. "I feel so lost and alone, I-" she shakes her head gently trying her best to keep the tears at bay. She was perplexed with the Captain and his wife who seemed to spend much of her time with Senka but now was not the time to address that. "I can barely look at myself in a mirror." Her mind skips the idle discussion about her seeking counselling which she had already actively done, Cross says, "I'm being completely honest when I say that I don't want you to leave." He bites the inside of his lip before he continues at a quieter tone, "I do feel guilty for what happened to Ben and if the same thing had happened to me, I'm certain that he would have made sure that my family was safe and in a good place. I think that's it. I feel a responsibility to him to keep you safe." "You feel you have a responsibility for me?" Kailyn repeats, "You have more than enough to deal with without looking after a grown woman and her struggle to deal with the death of her child." She pauses again and draws a tired breath, "You said you would support my decision before and now you have revoked that decision. If I wanted to run I would have." Cross says, "I didn't say that I revoked that decision. If you really /want/ to leave, then I will support that. I am asking you to reconsider."
Senka's mind observes the conversation and sees you thinking about Senka and Astor. Here in the privacy of your mind meld, he chooses to give you a partial answer about Astor. He sees Adam is a neglectful husband, a man who never takes time to seek out his wife, to value her, to appreciate and cherish her the way even Vulcan spouses do. You sense Senka's anger at Adam for not going on, hell, not commanding the rescue mission that brought his, Adam's, wife home. Instead it took a logical Vulcan making the decision to violate orders and leave the station to bring her back along with Kainon, who he, Senka, respects immensely and calls a friend for commanding that mission and risking his own life, doing Adam's job, in short. His perception of Adam's neglect goes back to well before the rescue mission, and he thinks that the man doesn't deserve the woman he's married to if he's going to treat her like this. These are perceptions, not actions on Senka's part, and you sense him keeping details from you, protecting the privacy of others. You see that Astor is his closest friend. No being in the universe now living matters more to Senka. He's never had sex with her or done anything like that. But he damned sure has been there for Astor when Adam couldn't manage it. He keeps details about that from you, again it is private and not just dealing with Senka's privacy.
Kailyn had already gained that impression of Adam in her own mind, knowing that he pushed her away but her mind continues to play out the scene. "Why should I reconsider?" She ask again, most of her colleagues had avoided her unless she initiated conversation first Cross included. "Because I am asking you," Cross says simply. "If you're really going to be more happy away from the station, though, I won't stop you. I can sign the paperwork right now." Her mind questions why he would want her to stay, there was no logical reasoning for this that she could fathom other than the guilt he felt toward her. The only explanation that she could find would be there was more than he was saying. She nods gently before moving closer to the desk, "I realise this, which is why I originally wanted to sat despite Ben's request to leave." She answers quietly as she returns to her seat, "I withdraw my request as of immediate affect but on the condition that I get to know you like my husband did." Cross nods slowly, "You want to get to know me?" he repeats and then considers. "I will accept that, if you become my counsellor. I've been ordered to undergo some counselling and for professional reasons, I have insisted that it not be with my executive officer." She nods once, "Very well, I will return to active duty if Senka finds me fit to do so."
A flash image overlay. Senka in Cross's office. Cross is telling him that he, Cross, would prefer to counsel with someone else and giving him the rationale about not counselling with his first officer. Senka accepts the logic of this, but certain ticks in Cross's demeanour, combined with the extreme reluctance and low-grade hostility Cross who ed to the very idea of counselling in the first place, make Senka suspect that Cross is actually setting up to duck the counselling altogether. Finding out that Cross actually sought you out for counselling surprises him a good deal. he wasn't expecting it, and he considered, at the time, the question of whether he had entirely misjudged Cross's intentions. Maybe he really meant to get help. Putting the two scenes together, yours and his, his mind reposes that question, did he misjudge Cross's motives?
Kailyn's brow furrows slightly, she was so certain there was more to it than Cross was letting on, why would he want her to stay? It made no sense. Her mind moves on to their first counselling session again in his office. The session starts with a conversation about the Asia show and if she really wants to share Ben's death with the media, she wanted to remain professional and submit a statement that wouldn't conflict with the ongoing investigation. The conversation steers toward the holding of a memorial, Kailyn seems set that no one would turn up with the investigation still ongoing. She is disheartened, still feeling tired and lonely. "I didn't think it would be like this, I didn't think I would be able to laugh and smile. It makes me feel a little guilty." She admits with a slight frown. Cross swallows hard as he watches the woman. He lets an extended silence fill the room before he says, "You should not feel guilty for living, Doctor." She pinches her lips slightly with another nod, "I know, I am trying not to feel guilty. Sometimes it just hits me that he's gone. I'm sorry Capt- Adam, I don't mean to make this any harder on you." She moves closer to the desk resting her hand on the back of the chair. "You don't have to apologize to me, Kailyn," the man replies. "Really. It's not necessary." She pauses and takes in her lower lip, biting it a moment, "Have you even spoken to Aly since it happened? I don't mean just idle chat..." Her questions aren't to tear him to pieces they are trying to help, trying to encourage him to move on as well. Cross quirks a brow, "I hardly think this is the time for such questions, Doctor." She raises her brows in return, "Really? Because I think this is just the time for something like this, I'm your counsellor. You appointed me, so I'm trying to do my job." She points out slightly frustrated but calmly none the less, they were both hurt but to what extent she wasn't sure. "We need to work through his together, you might not like it but you're my responsibility too. I've seen what happens around here whilst I was wallowing in my self-pity, I'm not blind to it."
You feel Senka quietly observing, again seeing through your eyes.
Kailyn explains to him that she doesn't care to pick holes in their marriage, she's there to patch up the pieces from the return to alcohol and that when she turned to drink it didn't even numb the pain. Only the two of them had been subjected to this pain and guilt, she was firm and authoritative. Moving with him when he moves away, trying to maintain a distance but trying to get him to be honest not just with her but with himself. Adam has bitten his lip so hard it bleeds, she feels the pain. "Stop biting it." She almost commanded, "I might carry a dermal regenerator but you need to stop holding it in to me." A beat, "Has she ever felt the pain like you or I? I doubt it." She pauses as she moves from the desk to beside him, her hand moves to his shoulder. Cross doesn't even know what to say to the question and he wonders if he even needs to answer it. Her hand on his shoulder makes him want to pull away, but he wills himself not to. "I'm so mad," he says in barely a whisper. "I don't even know who I'm mad at, so I just take it out on myself." "I know, if he wasn't already dead I'm sure I'd beat him half to death." She answers, "I know you'll hate most of what I have to say but that means that you know its right. The afternoon you cam and saw me ... I- I wanted to take you down on the spot." She admits, "I wanted to hurt you so much, I wanted to give it all up to make the hurt go away." "I wish you would have," Cross replies simply. She smirks a little, "I don't think I could of bore a child from a cell." She replies light heartedly moving her hand from his shoulder down his arm. "We'd have both have been bloodied and the pain would have still been there only with more consequences. We will work through this, you don't need to be saved. You will save yourself." "I don't think I'm strong enough," Adam admits, yanking his shoulder away from her as he turns around and moves to the exit to leave. She raises her brows, "So you're just going to walk away from me?" Her voice is challenging as she wets her lips. Cross stops before he gets to the door, closes his eyes for a moment. "I have duties to perform. It's how I get through the day. One task at a time, not stopping to talk about every issue until it's wilted into nothingness." She twitches her nose, "It's already wilted and dead. You made sure of that one." She retrieves a dermal regenerator from her medical kit and moves toward him again, "I'm not filling reports on these sessions but I won't hesitate to make it known if I think you're not fit for duty. Open your mouth." She stops in front of him. He opens his mouth as directed, but he's not happy about it. She rests her thumb carefully against his lower lip and pulls it down slightly allowing her to heal the wound. Her touch is delicate, she'd not touched anyone's lips for several months. The anger she had received had quickly dissipated, she had already dealt with it before several times over. She looks him in the eye, unmoving as she lowers the regenerator and removes her hand from his face. "Whenever I look at you I see him. All the things I'll never say again. 'I love you'." She says, "You're not running from that, you can't bury that because you made me stay here. You are the reason I am still here, you can't hide from that now." Her words hit him harder than a slap ever could. It's true, he was more like Ben that he would ever admit. He could see himself slipping down some dark path when no one was watching, doing something stupid for no good reason. He hated himself for that, but it also eased his anger toward Ben and gave him a little more insight. "Why are you doing this?" Adam asks. "Its my job to do this, say all the things you don't want to here. I still have a wife, you must have married her for a reason." It pained her to will him on, "If you still love her you can't push her away or be taken away." She swallows hard and held her breath a moment. Cross is still uncomfortable discussing his marriage, but lets the doctor say what she has to. He nods fractionally. "I understand." She moves in against Adam tentatively and graces his lips with a soft kiss if not pushed aside. Cross isn't sure what he's supposed to do so he just stands there for a minute. "Right..." Pause. "Are we done for today?" She takes a step back with an affirmative nod. "Yes, we are."
Senka's mind poses an inquiry. "Why did you kiss him? Why that step?"
In her mind she still doesn't really know why, "He said he understood but it didn't feel like he did. If the last things he said or did to her were doubtful like mine were to Ben not something so meaningful."
You sense that Senka sees the kiss as an unnecessarily complicating factor. Better that it never have happened. He's not judging or criticizing you, but he thinks this kiss started you down an emotional path that would better have been avoided. He continues observing, and you sense him transmitting a sense of comfort to your mind.
Kailyn's mind is already filled with guilt and regret that has been harbouring for nearly a year now. Her mind moves on, a comm to Cross sees her beam aboard the Proteus and moving into the fitness centre. Cross is swimming in the pool, she watches him admiringly before she changes herself. She feels vulnerable, the first time she had been so exposed since the loss of her child. They begin talking and he is called away by duties, she begins to doubt her abilities as a counsellor but suggests another session in a less formal environment. He suggests boxing not expecting her to take him up on it but she does.
Kailyn continues on, she's returned to the Proteus dressing in her workout gear, a coral coloured sports bar and more loose fitting harem style capris. She enters the gym and Adam is shocked to see her, she is worried as he still reminds her of Ben but he helps her into gloves as she admits she has had little practice. The atmosphere is light and warm as they touch gloves and under his instruction with each contact they must share something, they both reveal intimate details about each other - some more interesting than others. She tells him she avoided her wedding day three times and he got high with an orion drug dealer and how he enjoyed the sex. He told her that Ben had been with a handful of women whilst she had only given herself to him, it made her feel naive. Everyone else seemed to have experience beyond hers, she should have kept her head in the books. The conversation shifts to how Adam sees Ben as a hero and how he refuses to see Ben as a minor part in Alynn's rescue, she suggests it was another - Senka. Adam is taken back by that point and tries to call it a day as she challenges his view.
First, as a Vulcan, Senka doesn't crave credit or recognition, so what you sense now isn't tinged with the anger a human might be showing. He does, however, value accuracy, and he sees Cross's utter failure to acknowledge what Senka did for him as very unusual for a human. Whether giving him a medal or court-martialing him, either would have been a sign of recognition of what Senka did, and for a human commander and husband to ignore it altogether seems unusual to Senka. You see Senka writing Cross a confidential memo as the Serapis leaves the station. He tells Cross that this mission was his proposal and he, Senka, is willing to suffer the legal consequences when he returns. Senka sends 3 more mission reports before its over. Cross has absolutely no basis, based on the reports he's received, to think that anyone other than Senka and Kainon started this, maybe more so Senka since it was his idea. He doesn't understand how, given his transparency in his reports and his honesty about his decision to violate regs, Cross can come so far afield in his consideration of events. It is not logical.
The scene plays out, she removes her gloves and throws them aside. She's upset, she can only see the failure she made to Ben and how she didn't want history to repeat itself. She could feel his anger as she pointed out the facts to him, "What are you afraid of saying?" She asks out right, but he only asks her to hit him in the face. She can't understand why, "Just hit me!" He shouts drawing attention to the pair, so she does as hard as she can. Her bare right fist connects along his jaw, pain shoots through her hand and her body tenses as she recollects this. Her fingers flex and the dull pain remains there. Adam staggers back and she moves closer, he tries to justify his pain by explaining his failures. "OUT!" She commands to the gawkers, he continue to list his failures to his wife, to Ben and herself. She tried to verbally explain why he was feeling this way but she was drawn in by the pain that they shared, by the loneliness. He falls to his knees as she pulls off his gloves, blood runs from the corner of his mouth and she kneels before him.
Senka keeps watching through your eyes, seeing what you see, feeling what you feel. The contact that you've had with Senka all along is, of course, very intimate, though not sexual in the slightest.
Kailyn's respect for Senka grows as he's patient with her. Watching the reflection play out it is clear that it hurts her to watch someone blame himself to the point of wanting physical pain. She wants to make it stop not just the physical but the mental anguish. They had revealed so much to each other, things that it was likely they would not have shared with another. Gently she touches his lips with her thumb before collecting a regenerator, her fingers move under his chin to tip back his head. He tells her to leave it but she declines and heals the wound, adding that she should have hit him again. Her pain moves to more affectionate feelings, she wants to help him as she touches him she can only think of what she has lost. Her fingers run through his hair before the attention is turned to her bruised hand he explains how not to punch. The atmosphere is different now, she wasn't going to give up on him and she had proved this to him. She lifts his chin again to check the healing, she moves in closer to him inches apart. "Kailyn, we can't do that," he says softly. "As your commanding officer, I.. I just can't." She stops clearly hurt and gets to her feet collecting the equipment.
"General order 32," Senka's mind supplies as he watches.
Kailyn sighs at being reminded of the rules and regulations, "I know." Guilt runs through her, "I know." Adam remains sat on the floor doing and saying nothing, there is an inner conflict she wants to ignore his warning and soothe him but isn't sure if she can deal with the consequences. They were both vulnerable and too tired to fight, it came down to the fact that she didn't care about her career. She just wanted to be held, she returns in front of Adam and kisses him gently, he didn't stop her only returned the affection as she moves onto his lap. Their actions becoming more urgent and lustful, her heart rate raises as she relives the intimacy.
Senka watches the intimacy unflinchingly. When it ends, you sense his mind considering. Then, "you are sexually attracted to the captain because he bears certain personality traits that your deceased husband also shared?"
Pryus-Talbot tenses again at his suggestion, another tear forms in her eyes. "It seems that way doesn't it?" Her own admission hurts her more as she watches on. They move away from the gym, she doesn't know where she's going she just follows willingly. More privately the situation unfolds passionate kisses and hands caress, she pulls off his shirt as she writhes out of her bottoms. The scene stops, she doesn't want to continue as the tears fall and her mind is stuck in an intimate position which she had longed for so much. "All I wanted was to tell him that I loved him, and how I wanted him back ..." Her mind manages to explain, "I'm never going to see him again ..."
If you mean Talbot, that's true. If you mean Cross, you certainly will. Senka's logic begins to overlay your feelings. He begins deconstructing your tortured grief and guilt. He can't purge the emotions from you, but you sense his mind pealing back the layers and helping you sort them. He knows that Cross left the station, knows he went to Bajor, and now has a pretty good idea why. He works on a deeper level of your mind, showing you the link between your sexual desire for Cross, your grief over your husband, and your tormented feelings about who Talbot was at the end and Cross's role in his death. It's a nasty, complicated knot, or it was. Senka begins working on untying it. It's why he came here. Not here to the holosuite, here to your mind.
Carefully her mind unravels, the separation of Ben and Adam start to become more defined. She still wants to put things right with Adam but knows it will be on his terms, she had already done enough damage. Kailyn's mind is completely open to Senka, the trust is implicit as there is no one else she can go to. Not even M'hrr.
Gently, Senka's mind brings you to know that there may yet be consequences to what's happened between you and Cross. Image of a Memo to station personnel instructing them to refer their items to Zeno and Ava while he, Cross, awaits an official Starfleet audet. Presumably concerning his violation of General Order 32. Senka thinks it likely that you may be questioned. He, Senka, believes that you are capable of facing up to any consequences intelligently and with a wiser perspective than you had before. But you must stop pursuing Cross. Nothing good can ever come of it and it can only hurt you. That it can hurt Cross too is something Senka cares far less about. But he does not want you to further injure yourself, not your mind or emotional well-being, and secondarily, not your career. It must stop.
Pryus-Talbot accepts this and knows she will not run from the consequences as she stays within the frozen moment, why did Senka care enough to do this for her? She had hurt so many in a moment of weakness, she didn't want to cause any more distress to those involved. She had already done more than enough. Her pain eased a little she was calmer and it stemmed the flow of tears.
Senka's mind works over yours, much as his hands would work at patching the wounds of a damaged body. It sorts emotions, makes connections between present and past explicit to you, including your attraction to M'Hrr which he identifies as a rebound effect, and helps you store it and integrate it. The difference is that while protoplaser and dermal regenerator can heal a body so thoroughly that there wouldn't even be a scar, Senka knows that you will forever bear the scars of your husband's and baby's losses. You must inevitably accept both the losses and the scarring, but that doesn't mean that you can't again become ... image: the first note you sent Senka about Riley, superimpose, you walking into Senka's office to talk about Riley before you were transfered. He sees you as a capable, caring colleague who will go to any lengths for her patients, sometimes, as has been demonstrated, going too far even. He thinks you have depths of courage you don't know about. Image: you at the transporter controls, in tears and struggling, but obeying Senka when he told you to transport him for the first time. For the first time now, you sense the respect you engendered by obeying that simple order. He knows what it cost you to overcome yourself and do that, and he doesn't judge you for the emotional crisis you faced that day.
At the image of discussing Riley she tenses again, you sense that her admiration for him was almost a downfall. She would have gone to any length to keep him healthy but never against his will, she held a touch of affection for him like a father almost. He walked her down the aisle in the Terran ceremony, she missed him. She also knew that M'hrr was beginning to take advantage of her situation and would have loved nothing more than for her to join in his strange mixed up family, was she leading him on? She wasn't sure but it was done now. Kailyn trusts Senka, which is why she agreed to try an alternative method to help her.
Senka's mind moves away from Riley and from the Caitiain officer. There is one major item and one minor one that he needs to communicate with you about. He shows you the holoprogram in which he found you, image of Talbot and the child. Rather than make any statements, his mind poses yours a wordless inquiry, "is this scene helpful? Is it really going to help you towards your recovery?"
Pryus-Talbot's heart sinks as she answers, "No ..." She answers simple as the intimate scene disappears taking them to where they are now, on a grassy bank.
Senka's mind agrees with yours. He actually thinks it damaging to you, but he wanted you to realize that on your own. You sense that he's pleased you do.
"I don't know if I can stay here Senka," Kailyn faces into the breeze, still within her mind, "I'll face the consequences but this place is a permenant reminder of everything I am trying to put behind me. Waiting only makes it harder." She is still conflicted but now she has a sense of order, a sense of calm.
You sense Senka's acceptance of your remaining level of conflict. That you could gain a measure of calm, order and perspective is the most that he was hoping for, and it is a credit to you that you succeeded.
Pryus-Talbot smiles faintly at the feelings of respect she gets from him, she tries so hard to stop it from spreading to affection to fill the pain. She supresses it as much as she can bit slowly it seeps in. "I don't know how I am going to get out of this cycle, it's like a pit."
Senka's mind discourages romantic affection towards him. It cannot help and can only hurt you. His final request: he wants you to guard his privacy. He doesn't care if you tell someone at some point that you mind melded with him if you have reason, but private matters: Senka's opinions of Cross's marrital conduct, and other things not related directly to helping you, he would have you keep these to yourself. He thinks you will, but his mind has to clarify it.
Pryus-Talbot physically nods her head gently and most slightly. Her mind answers with a sadness at her own inability to control herself. Everywhere she turned people were interested in sexual intimacy or didn't want to see her at all, she would fulfil his request. She had no one else to tell so it wouldn't be a problem, she seeks comfort from Senka but only in a way a parent would comfort a child. To be held and told it was going to be okay, nothing more as she puts everything else aside.
Senka values your friendship. He doesn't feel paternally towards you, but he does believe you will be alright. His last act is to transmit this sense of comfort to you. Then, you feel him dissolving the meld. You feel his mind becoming more distant, and you see his logical controls and telepathic barriers reinstate themselves. External reality starts to impress itself on your consciousness again. You feel the warmpth of his hand on your face, for example. Finally, gently, the mental link os closed. It breaks as his hand lowers from your face. Opening your eyes, you would see him in a kneeling posture, fingers steepled before him, expression calm and impassive.
Pryus-Talbot lets a final tear fall before wiping them away with the back of her hand, her wedding dress speckled in small damp spots. "Thank you." She finally manages to say as she stays still just looking at him with a soft gaze, she is calm but still feeling lost. That would only clear when the audit was over, if it would ever clear at all.
Senka nods. "You are welcome." Still looking at you, Senka speaks again, though not to you. The words have a finality to them. "Computer, end program."